23rd April 1991

(all painting with exception of the first painted in one day with no further alterations).  I had originally had the idea for a series of self portraits from Louis Wain's series of portraits of cats that changed strangely as he became more and more psychotic.  They seemed to show a disintegrating ego.  I expected something similar, that is the reliance on a sort of hallucinatory geometry but instead found that I was almost completely unable to concentrate so the painting takes on the crudeness of bad graffiti.  I ascribe this to the fact that Depixol strengthens concentration and so its removal means that the power of concentration breaks down.  However I would mention that this, as in Louis Wain's case was not my problem when I originally became ill but seems to have resulted from Depixol dependency.  Still on one tablet of Depixol plus sleeping pills.  I had come to the conclusion that most people around me had some extra sensory perception ability which gave them access to my mind.  In this respect I was like blind man.  Hence the crosses on the eyes.  They also let me know verbally what they had pi ked up from my thoughts.  I was like a dumb man in this respect and hence the cross over the mouth.  The crossed out dates are because I was becoming obsessed that I had taken two sittings rather than one on the first self portrait.